In 2017 a tragedy hit my family. Sadly, one of our little angels went to heaven before she was even able to take a breath. Without the connection I have with my husband and my other children to guide me through, I would have not been able to move forward. If you have been there, you are not alone.
Throughout life there will be (or may already have been) traumatic events that have hit your relationship hard. These events can cause significant issues, stress, and depression that can take its toll on any relationship, regardless of length.
Events such as loss of a loved one, layoff from a job, or even a worldwide pandemic. All too often, we find ourselves shutting out the ones we love while attempting to get through these issues. Doing this is no way to help your situation. Connecting with your spouse allows them to comfort you, listen and encourage you when you are at your weak point.
Do not ignore your feelings at all. Give yourself time to grieve or heal. Ignoring your feelings is going to do nothing but decline your recovery and quite possibly the recovery of those around you. It is easy to fall onto yourself when you’re hurting. Thinking that you are better off making yourself feel miserable rather than those around you and that is a sweet thought, but false. You’re hurting others when you do not allow yourself to express your emotions. Let me explain, when you hold in your emotions it is like when you shake a pop (or soda) bottle with the cap on. When someone finally comes to open the cap, that stress and irritation is going to spew out all over that person with no way for you to hold it in or take it back.
After a traumatic event, getting back to your regular routine with your spouse can minimize anxiety and hopelessness. This is easier said than done but it does provide positive outcomes. Shutting yourself in a room alone, while refusing to talk to anyone in hopes that you will somehow spontaneously form the strength to overcome this feeling of dread on your own is just going to exacerbate the situation. It puts you in a position to obsess or relive the event repeatedly with nothing else to focus attention on.
That is what we forget. It’s the one thing that we cannot bring ourselves to understand, and now you hold the information in your hand.
You cannot always do it alone!
Not for lack of trying, I can assure you. We all have done it a time or two. Whether it was within a tragic situation or not. But it is just not logical. Sometimes, just sometimes, you are going to need another perspective, another set of hands or just another pair of eyes to assist you in what you are trying to do. Like bleeding the brakes of a car. (I just had to do this, which is why it has been chosen as the example) When you bleed the brakes of a vehicle, you need two people. You just do. One to sit in the driver’s seat of the car to, well, pump the brakes and another to sit under the car at the lines to let the air out and see when brake fluid is running smoothly. Doing this alone is almost, if not entirely, impossible. You need that extra set of hands.
This piece was originally published in part of a chapter from my book Relationships: The Good, The Bad and The Real.
I wanted to remind everyone that relationships are something to cherish, work for and nurture. Rather than everyone calling it quits.
This particular chapter reminds us that having someone to connect with when times are tough can be the difference between falling into depression and getting through it.
If you enjoyed this piece, I hope you will consider obtaining the book. If you do, please let me know what you thought of it!
🧡Shine Bright, Kayla
Originally published on Medium.com December 2022
Copyright © 2022 Kayla Tackett