Throughout our lives we grow up. Our clothes sizes change, and our hair grows out. However, we tend to forget that our minds are also growing. We become completely oblivious to the fact that every move we make affects our lives. We tend to complain about the luck we have, the issues we face or the fact that we are having such a hard time getting to where we want in life. We are creating our own outcomes. Without even knowing it, we are consistently self-sabotaging ourselves.
Before we can resolve our self-sabotage, we need to fully understand what we have been doing throughout our lives that encompasses the aspects of the self-sabotage. This could be our fears, our emotions or our views of certain things. If we can understand how these things influence our actions, we can begin to repair some current issues and prevent any new self-sabotages in the future.
So, how are we actually sabotaging ourselves?
There are a few subtle ways we do this on a consistent basis.
Some examples could be:
That raise you didn't ask for in fear of the response.
The person in college you really liked but could not bring yourself to speak to.
Attempting, and failing, to go on a diet.
That career move that you really want but have yet to take steps to do.
When you have been at a business for so many years and believe, you are fully entitled to a raise, there should be no issues requesting one. However, more and more people indicate that it was out of fear that they did not push for a higher salary.
When interested in another person, talking should be simple. Yet so many people find themselves at a loss for words. Like Rajesh Koothrappali on The Big Bang Theory. Subconsciously, the fear of rejection trumps your want to communicate with that particular person (or group of people).
Thousands of people around the world have wanted to try a diet a time or two. So many, however, indicate that it is much too difficult to achieve their weight loss goals. Do we really want to lose weight? Is the reason we are trying to be healthier for us, or for someone else? Are we going to be happy with the type of eating we will need to continue in order to reach our goals? - These are the questions we should ask ourselves before attempting to begin a diet. Our subconscious mind is always eluding us. So much so, we will choose to begin a diet without knowing 100% the reason.
Others may be intimidated by something as simple as starting a new job. Did you know that there are a surprisingly high number of people who don’t show up for job interviews, even for highly desirable positions? They take the call; they accept the interview and then (for one reason or another) they ghost the interviewer.
Let's say a stay-at-home-mom decides she needs to return to the workforce to earn money for her family. Even though she would rather stay home with her children, she feels obligated to get a job outside the home. Instead of researching for a job she will be good at, she begins applying for every job she sees. Even though some of them are out of her ability or have hours she cannot accommodate. Subconsciously, she is ensuring that she won’t have to leave home, and at least she can say she “tried” to get a job.
Many of us that self-sabotage are concerned about what onlookers will think or say about them if they strive for things that are out of the ordinary. We think that we are not worthy to have the things we desire in life and feel others think it too, so we do things that hinder us to ensure we fail.
We do not do these things logically. These come from an area trapped in our subconscious mind. That means, even though we are the ones doing it, we are even fooling ourselves. If we are not one hundred percent convinced, we are capable, we will do everything in our power to make sure we do not succeed.
Does anything I've said today resonate with you? Do you think you tend to self-sabotage yourself at times without knowing it? Could you be doing it right now? Do you feel that no matter what you do or how hard you try, you're still not able to reach your goals?
Don't stress, there are ways to overcome self-sabotage. First, we have to recognize that we are self-sabotaging. We have to be aware of the thoughts, emotions, fears and actions that contribute to our self-sabotaging ways. If this seems difficult, asking someone's opinion can always shed some light on areas you didn't notice or did not consider.
Make a list of the setbacks you've had over the past six months and take the time to evaluate them equally. Was there anything you could have overcome, obstacles you could have avoided or issues you could have resolved had you made better choices? Do you notice any similar issues where you acted the same way for each? If you have said yes to any of these questions, you just might be self-sabotaging.
If you're attempting to reach out to your subconscious and get an understanding of how your mind is working; practicing mindfulness can be a huge eye opener. Ask yourself questions
What are you afraid of?
Is there anything you are uncertain about?
Are you feeling uncomfortable about this? Why?
Why would you be holding yourself back?
Are you worried about your image?
If asking these questions in your mind feel awkward, you can always attempt writing them within a journal. Sometimes, writing down what you are thinking, and feeling can help you connect with your innermost thoughts and feelings you would otherwise not think of. You may have to do this a few times in order to become comfortable but exploring all sides of yourself can be a huge positive impact on you.
Once we break down our self-sabotaging ways, we can finally come to terms with the fact that we are in complete control of our own success in life. Free yourself from yourself. Stop setting limitations. Focus your energy on setting new goals and support yourself through them!
Looking back, you'll be able to smile with pride that you left your worst saboteur behind you...
🧡Shine Bright, Kayla