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Stop From Setting the Conversation on Fire

A chapter from my book "Relationships: The Good, The Bad and The Real" Available on Amazon!


When you think of something blowing up, it tends to give you the image of an explosion and fire. Somewhat like a bad action movie.

Blowing up at another individual, more specifically your spouse, is a bit different. When you are blowing up at someone, it means you lose your temper and shout at them. So, blowing up at your spouse can be detrimental to your relationship. It shows a sign of disrespect.

Which can create some issues since the foundation of any relationship is respect. Knowing your limits is the number one way to avoid this from occurring. Let us call it like it is, shall we? No other person knows you better than you. When you feel yourself in the heat of an argument and that pit in your stomach begins to grow, you should let your partner know immediately. Take a moment alone to breath and collect your thoughts towards the situation at hand. It could be the difference between an uncomfortable conversation and divorce court.

If you have a tendency of blowing up frequently at your spouse, there are a couple of things you can do to avoid this in the future. The first is to investigate yourself and ensure you have not built-up feelings of resentment or hatred for your spouse. Followed by making sure that you are communicating with your spouse if problems come forward that need to be resolved. Finally, my favorite, make sure you practice good health management.

Basically, make sure you are ok (mentally) on a regular basis, talk things out, eat right and get enough sleep. Which sounds simple enough, but haven’t you heard the term “Better said than done.”? In fact, if I had to guess, I would say that at least a few of you have said that EXACT sentence when others attempt to give you help with your relationship. Am I right? If I am, you’re not alone. I have done just the same.

It’s not that we do not have the ability to do these things. In fact, from time to time we do them. It’s not the act that is the issue. It’s the consistency required on a day-to-day basis that ends up getting us in the end.

Now, I know that many of you are reading this and, in the back of your mind, you’re thinking,

“This woman doesn’t know me at all. I do/did all those things, and nothing worked.”

If that is true and you have done all those things without fail consistently and your relationship has seen no positive change than the problem is not, you dear… the problem is your spouse.

That is another possibility that is always the last on our list, isn’t it? The issues you are experiencing may not be a fault of your own. The reasoning for you blowing up at your partner may be because you have done everything in your power to avoid conflict, keep your spark alive, and connect on a deep level… However, you have seen no change in your spouse. At that point, it would be time to ask the question that many of you reading this would rather gouge your eyes out… than do…

You will have to ask your spouse if this relationship you both share is really something you both want. I know that it is terrifying… becomes sometimes being oblivious is better than the possibility of being hurt…. but at the same time… We all must ensure we are being treated with respect and provided unconditional love. You should always know your worth….

Expect nothing less.

🧡Shine Bright, Kayla

This story was originally published in “Relationships: The Good, The Bad and The Real” in March 2022

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