Most of us can say that we dislike when someone is mad at us. We tend to disregard help from others who act as if assisting us is a chore. We have a tendency to get mad when we feel someone has shut us out. We hate it when people demand us to do things and do not respect when we have to refuse. I am one of these people. I can't stand conflict and will do everything in my power to avoid it.
There are many people who do not realize how much strength and courage it takes to keep a positive outlook when others are providing them angry behavior. It is even more difficult, when those angry individuals are your children. Allowing ourselves to be overwhelmed by the behaviors provided by our children can create problems for us that we may not even notice. We may forget that we matter in order to aid to their outbursts of anger and frustration. If we continue on that path, denying our own wants and needs, the more our children will continue to act out.
Children mirror behaviors.
If we act as if we do not matter, they will act the same. If we disrespect ourselves, they will follow suit and disrespect us. Sure, we'll look like loving and caring parents, but we will lose all sense of who we are. Also, when we do this, we are teaching our children that it is okay to give up on themselves.
Thinking about it, it isn't good put the burden of our well-being onto our children. It is a terrible thing for a parent to expect their children to give up things for themselves in order to keep us from floundering. Rather than demanding them to be the way we want, we should appreciate them for who they are. We should not give them so many limits, that they are unable to experience life, just because we are afraid for their safety.
This is something I still struggle with today. I am a helicopter mom, as they say. I'm so concerned with the health and safety of my littles, that I forget to let them be kids. Little by little, I'm getting better.
Doing those things sets an example that is bad for our children in the long run. We are taking things from them, unintentionally of course, but even still. We are denying them the ability to learn and grow because we fear what may happen.
We need to find a balance. Between being a good role model, and letting our children experience all that life has to offer. Also, we need to find a balance between being responsible and being understanding. Yes, your child is going to play with fire and yes, your child is going to scrape a knee. You may even make a hospital visit or two over the time of their adolescence. Balance can keep those things to a minimum but not shield them from the experiences.
The key here is our decisions. Making decisions that are good for our children, as well as ourselves. If your little one wants something and you are unable to provide it without issues or stress, then it is not in the child's best interest for you to get it. If we would like our children to be quiet little angels all the time, it's not in our child's best interest for us to expect it. Why? Because it is not logical. Children cannot make mistakes, learn responsible behaviors or create much needed connections if their parents do not provide them the freedoms to do so. Let them make their own decisions and intervene only when it is in their best interest. Allow yourself to aid to your needs and remember that you are not disregarding your young ones by doing so. Rather, you are teaching them the importance of self-care.
Side note: Remember that taking things to extreme and always putting your needs before your child can show narcissistic behaviors and can ultimately lead you child onto the same path.
Being a parent, means being a role-model every day of every year for the rest of your life. You are personally responsible for everything you do or do not do around your children. Providing them with good behaviors to mirror is the best way to bring up children who are also personally responsible. That being said, even if you do everything perfectly as a parent, your children are still their own people with their own decisions to make. Do not assume that you have not done a good job raising them if they make decisions that are unloving, hateful or illegal.
We are only human. We can do our very best to be the most loving, caring and responsible role-models in the world. Then... we must wait for our children to make their choices.
On... their... own.
Love them, appreciate them, care for them and give them all of your support. That's all any child could ask for.
🧡Shine Bright, Kayla