Funny Post of the Week: How to Change the Diaper of Your Miniature Human
Parents all over the world grimace at the need to change a soiled diaper. The smells make you go in an uproar and then you shake as if you’ve just been bit by a large boa when you find that shit has found its way to your hand.
Some days you have to remind yourself that this is a requirement of parenting and the hygiene of your children in order to make it through the day. With that in mind, I have found some simple steps for you to get through diaper changes as painlessly and as clean as possible.
Confirming what you’re in for: The difference between a soiled and a wet diaper is everything. Knowing whether or not a harsh wall of odor is going to smack you in the face can be quite helpful.
Prepare your materials: Diapers, wipes, rash cream, baby powder and the new diaper. I’m sure many of you have run into the situation where you were changing a diaper without the proper materials.
Calm your child: Some crotch goblins tend to throw some horrendous tantrums when coming into a diaper change situation. Twisting themselves in pretzel-like motions to avoid the cleaning.
The physical diaper change: Remove the soiled/wet diaper, wrap it so that nothing from the inside can fall out. Use the baby wipes to remove any access urine or poop from your child's bum. If the little one has a current rash, make sure to cover the infected area with the cream. Add the baby powder until you see a faint white cloud that resembles something you would see on Breaking Bad. Place the back end of the new diaper (the side with the straps) under your child’s bum… move the front over your child's no no square and use the straps to attach the diaper to your child.
Check the area: Your hands, the floor and your child’s legs. No area is immune. There is always a possibility that shit, or piss have found their ways onto those areas without your knowledge. Take it from someone who’s lived it… finding unseen feces on your hand when eating after changing a diaper can make you not want to eat for the next week.
You are now a specialist in the art of cleaning up bowel movements. Don’t you feel special?
Remember: This is strictly for comic relief. None of my tips are expected to be taken seriously. Stay Safe Everyone!
Looking for other silly parenting tips? Check out this book by Dallas Louis, Why Some Animals Eat Their Young: A Survivor's Guide to Motherhood.
It is a page turner.