Change Is Hard: Parenting From the Past
Raising children is difficult. No matter what situation you're in or how much money you have. We are all stressing ourselves out and grasping at straws every once in a while. One of the things we have come to do while parenting, has to stop!
The sayings like: "Back when I was your age...' or "My mother would have... if I had done that!"
We can't parent from the past. Parenting is changing along with the world around us. Things are not the same as they were when we were young.
Back when I was young....
I would leave school and walk around town until it was dark outside.
I would spend the night with one of my best friends, who was male.
I was spanked when I did things wrong.
I didn't have a cell phone until I was 16.
When you expect the things, you were able to do when you were younger to be done by your child - things can get a bit muddy.
Letting your young child 'run the roads' as we were able to do when we were young, is considered a bit neglectful today. The dangers are more present than they were at that time. There is not more of it... we just see it more now because we have social media. So, because we are aware of the dangers, we should be more mindful of what to do to avoid them.
Spending the night with a member of the opposite sex was not a normal thing back then and it's still not completely normal now. Although I did it, I would not want to allow my daughter to do it. Sure, when I was a kid, it was cool that my mother gave me that freedom, but I can be a helicopter parent at times and would be hesitant to allow my daughter to do it. Yet, that does not mean that when she gets older it won't be allowed, for her or her brothers. I'm not sure how the world will change by that time. When she's 16, it could be perfectly normal for friends of a different sex to have sleepovers. (I'll let you know when we get there.)
Spanking is looked down upon by many. There have been other suggested ways of punishment. Timeouts, groundings or more household chores. Some still believe that spankings are necessary, yet others suggest strongly against it. To each their own, if you ask me. Parents have that decision. However, you should never come at your child with...
"I don't know what you're crying about, when I was your age my (parent) would have whooped me way harder than that!"
It does nothing for the situation. Don't do it.
I didn't have a cell phone when I was young because there was no possibility. Cell phones didn't start becoming so popular for children until I was in my mid-twenties. Does that mean I should deny my children the option to have a cellphone at a younger age because it was not something I was able to gain? No, in fact, today it is a better option for my children to have a cell phone when they're old enough to leave the house without me so that I can know where they are, and I can reach them.
We are so worried about our children making mistakes in life; that we either shield them from things that caused us issues or try to push them to do things we believe molded us into the people we are today.
We forget that our children are their own people and will make their own decisions, regardless of what we say. We can be a guiding light for their boat on this sea of life, but we can't row for them.
Stop referring to the world you lived in when you were young when talking to your children. Think of the here and now. Help them pursue a way of life they can relate to and will help them push forward in today's world.
š§”Shine Bright, Kayla